that i NOW realize that being friends with Sarah through highschool fucked me over completely?
yeah.
its a HORRIBLE realization.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
I havent written in awhile, because nothing ever happens thats worth writing about
Which... doesnt mean theres anything BIG im going to write about today. I've making lotsa money lately. Selling stuff on Ebay and listing stuff for my dad. I clean alot, not that you can ever fucking tell. Me and my mom are back on good terms. Its more like, dont ask dont tell? I guess? ANYWAYS!
I'm writing today, because well.. My best friend, my sister, and my mom didnt answer their phones. So. This is longer, but its still venting. Which, I guess its not really something any of you will understand. My best friends dads in the Marines, so she just doesnt see where I'm coming from whatsoever. My sister has dated a guy in the military so, we know she doesnt have the same strange, but forced rule I have. [ No offense Jess!] no, seriously. Dont take that wrong. haha. And my mother, well. She was last resort. Not gonna lie.
So, here it is...
I go by this, wait. I LIVE by this rule. Since I can remember? I know at least for 5 years I've been saying it. I've told every past boyfriend this rule. And trust me, Brandon knows this "rule" I DO NOT, AND WILL NEVER DATE A GUY IN THE MILITARY. I just wont. Dont take me wrong, im all for supporting the troops, and bringing home the soldiers. I will never marry a guy who is in, nor wants to join the military. Don't care if its army, navy or air force. Not happening. Some people think its selfish of me. Well. its just like someone saying " I wont date a guy with blonde hair" or " I wont date a guy who eats meat" Its just something on the imaginary list every girl has of what there looking for. Shit, I'm getting side tracked.
So, ugh. long story short Hans, use to be my best friend. Turned into cocky, spoiled brat. Stopped being friends. [ he dropped brandon as a friend also! THIS IS A KEY POINT. Anyways, he joined the marines. [ he will never admit it, but he was so fucking spoiled that he hated working. literally, bitched for hours to his mom that he didnt feel like he needed to work. So, he found out, Government pays you to workout and fly on a plane for a few hours and then GO STAND IN A FUCKING DESERT TO GET SHOT AT AND PLAY DODGEBALL WITH BULLETS. Needless to say, he joined. Being deployed in December. well, the Marines and other military people do PT. PT is Physical Training. Voluntary, workouts to get you in shape. blah blah blah. You can bring friends too. [ They tell them this, so the recruiters can get out there with them, and drill the friends who havent join about joining!] Well, Hans found out that when you bring a friend in to let a recruiter lecture them for an hour he gets an extra 1000 dollars at the end of the year added to his big ole check! So, He drags Brandon in there! No problem. Brandon doesnt want to join. Then, He invites brandon to PT with him. No problem. Its working out with friends. [ Brandon got approached by recruiters there also.] Everything was fine. I was a little edgy because I don't want to lose Brandon. But, regardless of the two years we've been together. If he ever signed that form. His shit would be out front in less time it would take him to drive home from best buy in Annapolis. [ recruiters office is by best buy] ANYWAYS. I was letting it go. Until today. Hans texted Brandon at around 9 this morning asking if he was up. He didnt get up until 11. So, when he did wake up, he responded. Thats when he did it. Hans crossed the fucking very, very, very thin [ thinner than paper] line with me. He texted brandon that the sergent blah blah wanted him to come in today, so they could talk. Brandon I guess could see the anger flood my face. He told him no.
I don't like thinking, talking, hearing, texting, typing, dreaming, about this situation. It does something to me. Its like a touchy thing with me. But its not? Like, here. This is my best semi good attempt of what it does:
It makes me RIP, not tug, pull or pick at. It makes me literally RIP my eyebrows off little by little.
It makes me want to take this bottle of wine, go have me some blankets, a fully charged phone, flashlight, camera, and a beach chair and sit somewhere. And drink, and not think about it. BUT! I wont! Because I dont want to ignore my problems with alcohol hahahha
I think it scares me more, that I will lose Brandon from this. Than, the thought that I really would MELTDOWN if we went seperate ways just because of Hans and recruiters. aka phaggot salesmen.
On a brighter, positive, amazing to think about thought!
In 18 days, It will be two years since Brandon asked me out. :)
We fight alot, argue over shit, call each other names, say we hate each other, and the occasional gum in the hair. we love each other :)
Well. Hope you enjoyed wasting your time reading this. hahahaha
if not. fuck you. =] <3
I'm writing today, because well.. My best friend, my sister, and my mom didnt answer their phones. So. This is longer, but its still venting. Which, I guess its not really something any of you will understand. My best friends dads in the Marines, so she just doesnt see where I'm coming from whatsoever. My sister has dated a guy in the military so, we know she doesnt have the same strange, but forced rule I have. [ No offense Jess!] no, seriously. Dont take that wrong. haha. And my mother, well. She was last resort. Not gonna lie.
So, here it is...
I go by this, wait. I LIVE by this rule. Since I can remember? I know at least for 5 years I've been saying it. I've told every past boyfriend this rule. And trust me, Brandon knows this "rule" I DO NOT, AND WILL NEVER DATE A GUY IN THE MILITARY. I just wont. Dont take me wrong, im all for supporting the troops, and bringing home the soldiers. I will never marry a guy who is in, nor wants to join the military. Don't care if its army, navy or air force. Not happening. Some people think its selfish of me. Well. its just like someone saying " I wont date a guy with blonde hair" or " I wont date a guy who eats meat" Its just something on the imaginary list every girl has of what there looking for. Shit, I'm getting side tracked.
So, ugh. long story short Hans, use to be my best friend. Turned into cocky, spoiled brat. Stopped being friends. [ he dropped brandon as a friend also! THIS IS A KEY POINT. Anyways, he joined the marines. [ he will never admit it, but he was so fucking spoiled that he hated working. literally, bitched for hours to his mom that he didnt feel like he needed to work. So, he found out, Government pays you to workout and fly on a plane for a few hours and then GO STAND IN A FUCKING DESERT TO GET SHOT AT AND PLAY DODGEBALL WITH BULLETS. Needless to say, he joined. Being deployed in December. well, the Marines and other military people do PT. PT is Physical Training. Voluntary, workouts to get you in shape. blah blah blah. You can bring friends too. [ They tell them this, so the recruiters can get out there with them, and drill the friends who havent join about joining!] Well, Hans found out that when you bring a friend in to let a recruiter lecture them for an hour he gets an extra 1000 dollars at the end of the year added to his big ole check! So, He drags Brandon in there! No problem. Brandon doesnt want to join. Then, He invites brandon to PT with him. No problem. Its working out with friends. [ Brandon got approached by recruiters there also.] Everything was fine. I was a little edgy because I don't want to lose Brandon. But, regardless of the two years we've been together. If he ever signed that form. His shit would be out front in less time it would take him to drive home from best buy in Annapolis. [ recruiters office is by best buy] ANYWAYS. I was letting it go. Until today. Hans texted Brandon at around 9 this morning asking if he was up. He didnt get up until 11. So, when he did wake up, he responded. Thats when he did it. Hans crossed the fucking very, very, very thin [ thinner than paper] line with me. He texted brandon that the sergent blah blah wanted him to come in today, so they could talk. Brandon I guess could see the anger flood my face. He told him no.
I don't like thinking, talking, hearing, texting, typing, dreaming, about this situation. It does something to me. Its like a touchy thing with me. But its not? Like, here. This is my best semi good attempt of what it does:
It makes me RIP, not tug, pull or pick at. It makes me literally RIP my eyebrows off little by little.
It makes me want to take this bottle of wine, go have me some blankets, a fully charged phone, flashlight, camera, and a beach chair and sit somewhere. And drink, and not think about it. BUT! I wont! Because I dont want to ignore my problems with alcohol hahahha
I think it scares me more, that I will lose Brandon from this. Than, the thought that I really would MELTDOWN if we went seperate ways just because of Hans and recruiters. aka phaggot salesmen.
On a brighter, positive, amazing to think about thought!
In 18 days, It will be two years since Brandon asked me out. :)
We fight alot, argue over shit, call each other names, say we hate each other, and the occasional gum in the hair. we love each other :)
Well. Hope you enjoyed wasting your time reading this. hahahaha
if not. fuck you. =] <3
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
My
My heart aches alot lately. Hows your doing? Good? Fuck you.
Someone save me from this.
I just want to shut down and not care anymore.
Everyone thinks this or that about me.
The most honest thing someones told me about myself, that I never realized...
Was 2 years ago. My mom said it when she was hammered at a summer party.
Her exact words were " Jordyn has a wall up, But deep down. Her heart is huge. And she is the most caring person you'll ever meet. You just have to be one of the lucky ones who gets to see over that wall. But when you do, its so..." and she trailed off towards George.
Can you tell how hammered she was?
Drunk words, speak a sober mind.
Everywhere I turn, its turns horrible for me. I need that to change.
Someone save me from this.
I just want to shut down and not care anymore.
Everyone thinks this or that about me.
The most honest thing someones told me about myself, that I never realized...
Was 2 years ago. My mom said it when she was hammered at a summer party.
Her exact words were " Jordyn has a wall up, But deep down. Her heart is huge. And she is the most caring person you'll ever meet. You just have to be one of the lucky ones who gets to see over that wall. But when you do, its so..." and she trailed off towards George.
Can you tell how hammered she was?
Drunk words, speak a sober mind.
Everywhere I turn, its turns horrible for me. I need that to change.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
beer and a friend
Lately, I've just been feeling like I want to just bang my head against a wall.. Or slam my hand in a door so I stop thinking about everything going on around me. I worry too much, I over think way too much. And honestly. I just want a fucking beer lately. I really just want to get a fucking 30 pack and just have it on hand for days like this. I wish I had a friend I could just call up and tell them about my shitty day and they listen and when its time for them to give me advice. Just be like "im bringing you a beer" and actually do it. Im not saying I'm gonna drink when I have problems. It would just be nice to have a beer or something every now and then. Me and Brandon had a bad day yesterday. But, everything was fixed by midnight. Then, today we were planning to go see a movie to get out of the house on a rainy day. Then, his friends wanted him to go to dinner, so we went. WORST FUCKING IDEA EVER. I literally, literally, so severely refraining myself from not taking my plate and slamming against this bitches fucking head. We had a surprise guest come to dinner with us! A girl Brandon was "just friends with" yeah... right. Thats a whole other story. Well, anyways. I don't like the dumb bitch. and she came to dinner. If that wasnt bad enough. Our movie started at 730. So, we had to leave the restaurant by about 720. Well, every minute past 720 sitting in the restaurant was torture. Seriously. Anyways, didnt get to leave the restaurant until 732! Didnt get to the theater until 739. I forgot to wear boots when I left and wore my soft bottom boots. So, my feet were soaking. Like, I should of just worn socks out. Didnt see the movie. Had to sit for an hour and a half with a dumb bitch. Who was whispering with her stupid friends the whole time.
Bad day . I hate everyone.
Bad day . I hate everyone.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I'm gonna need a fucking tattoo artist to shave my eyebrows and tattoo some on. Everyday it gets worse. And today especially. In case you were left out of any part. I'm just going to fill everyone in. She blew me off on Saturday night. 4th time I think? she had blown me off. In a week! So, Sunday night I called her. I mentioned maybe doing it that night. She gave me another excuse. Then I said the Next night? [ Which would be Monday] She gave me this bullshit answer about how "Her back hurt sooo much. She wasn't getting out of bed." and how "George had texted her saying, he wanted her to get EVERYTHING out." she panicked. So, she blew me off again. I caught her lying about how " she hadn't seen or talked to Joey in almost a week" When me and my older sister Jaime had driven by his house earlier that day. To see her car. where? Sitting in front of his house. She lied. Go figure. Anyways. Got on Facebook today to see her status about how she had spent the day with her "love". Now considering the facebook that I'm friends with. Is the "George Relationship" one. She was talking about George. Another lie. So, I went off. I'm tired of her lies. Ending result was blocking all THREE of her facebooks. And deleting her from my life for good now. It sucks because, I was really hoping that the dinner go well, and we would be fine. Yard sale season is coming really soon. I've been excited for yard sales since about December. I love finding my cheap giraffe stuff at yard sales. That won't be happening this year. Up until I can drive. I was going to ask Jaime if she just wanted to do it. But shes unreliable with getting up and she already said Saturdays are her and Nick's days. So, I guess it'll have to wait until Next year when I'm driving. Still gonna suck doing it alone. Everyone's going to be doing Christmases and parties at Georges. Which I won't be attending.
On A Happier Note :)
Last night, Me, my best friend Nicole, Brandon and Jake and Hans went to Bill Bateman's Restaurant. It was all you can eat wings. I paid for Brandon, Me, and my friend Nicole. It was fun. Brandon ate 36 wings!! Oh, and awkward moment! The waiter was taking FOREVER to get my drink. And I was eating like really really dry wings and I was like "Where the hell is my drink mannn" as the waiter was reaching his arm past me with my drink! He was right behind me!!!!! I was like OHMYGOD! And the WHOLE table just burst into laughter! I felt sooo bad! But, when I was outside smoking a cig, I saw the girl that was doing our table before he did and I told her what happened and she bursted into laughter. She thought it was funny. Then we went back to Jakes new house and chilled on his pier for a little while. Then we all left. It was a good day..
So, I want to learn how to sew. I'm thinking my first project will be a white tank top with a bunch of giraffe patches I'm going to slowly buy and stack up from Ebay over time. Then stitch them all over the shirt. I'd love that!
Anyways.
LOL!
On A Happier Note :)
Last night, Me, my best friend Nicole, Brandon and Jake and Hans went to Bill Bateman's Restaurant. It was all you can eat wings. I paid for Brandon, Me, and my friend Nicole. It was fun. Brandon ate 36 wings!! Oh, and awkward moment! The waiter was taking FOREVER to get my drink. And I was eating like really really dry wings and I was like "Where the hell is my drink mannn" as the waiter was reaching his arm past me with my drink! He was right behind me!!!!! I was like OHMYGOD! And the WHOLE table just burst into laughter! I felt sooo bad! But, when I was outside smoking a cig, I saw the girl that was doing our table before he did and I told her what happened and she bursted into laughter. She thought it was funny. Then we went back to Jakes new house and chilled on his pier for a little while. Then we all left. It was a good day..
So, I want to learn how to sew. I'm thinking my first project will be a white tank top with a bunch of giraffe patches I'm going to slowly buy and stack up from Ebay over time. Then stitch them all over the shirt. I'd love that!
LOL!
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