Well. I'm writing tonight, considering I'm really freaking nervous to go to this dinner on Wednesday with my mom. I honestly think I'll either catch her in a lie, and freak out. Or, she'll say or do something that makes me freak out. But, I'm going to head into the situation with a calm, I don't give a fuck attitude. More like, I'm going to explain that this dinner is her last and only chance for me. She's either going to lie to me and I catch her. Or, she gets where I'm coming from. And in worse case scenario she lies, I don't realize it. And I later catch her. Then, then it will be like a tornado crashing down on Joey's house. I have so much anger built up with her. I think, now I'm old enough to actually notice the things that tell me she is doing shit. Like, her freaking out about getting her pills from Georges. And yelling at me for not grabbing them. [ later on saying "Joeys going to be so pissed"] So, shes doing the pill thing. Then, the burn in her car being from a crack pipe. So, am I suppose to believe shes not doing it with him? She lost a ton of weight. Enough for Jaime to even notice while Moms sitting in her car and Jaime's in the window. Moms excuse? " Ive been stressed out. I don't eat alot when I'm stressed" I believe the stressed part. It must be stressful jumping between multiple guys. Anyways, I literally have RUINED my right eyebrow. It's done. I need to really focus on not fucking with it. And let it grow back. It's embarrassing. Especially with it on my face. OOOHHHH! So! Found something that somewhat kinda keeps a little bit of the picking down! Giraffe pin. I fuck with it instead of my eyebrow sometimes. Not all the time. But a good amount of the time. I was really happy when I realized it. :)
 The fact that when I call her, she doesn't answer but about 2 minutes go by and she calls back and its all quiet in the background. Somethings up. Anyways, I'm going to be having about 3 different people talking to me throughout the dinner to keep me calm if it gets ugly. I don't want to explode like I did on the phone with her that one day. I don't want to give her the satisfaction of upsetting me. I'd rather have that " I don't really give a fuck attitude". But for all I know it could go perfectly fine.


 Jarrod: The way my mom is with him drives me crazy. Me and him don't get along too much but I'm still his older sister. And she treats him like he's nothing until after so many months he stands their until she talks to him. It's not like she hates him. But, she gives Stephen more attention than she does Jarrod. And Jarrod's never been in jail, stolen or done drugs. So, wtf? I mean he gets plenty of attention from my dad. But I don't know if that's always such a good thing. My dad talks down about women all of the time. That's all Jarrod ever hears. And he shouldn't grow up thinking that's right, or to be angry at the world. Anyways. Mom swung by dads the other day. And I told Jarrod to stay inside because I needed to talk to  mom. And he was like "No, i need to talk to her too" so he came out. And what's she do? Questions his grades and then he goes "notice anything different?" Nope. Of course she didn't! He got a haircut that day. Its bad when you don't even notice your kid got a haircut. Anyways, she pissed me off about what we were talking about. AND she lied and I caught her. And Then I was like c'mon Jarrod, you'll see her in another 5 months. [ I was joking about the time] and when we came inside, dad asked him if he got to talk to her... His response? " yeah, she didn't notice my haircut though.. Its been like 6 months since Ive seen her.. other than Christmas" and he went and hibernated in his room. You can tell he wants to talk to her more. But she couldn't stick around she had  "plans" for the night.