I'm exhausted. I'm no longer tired. I'm exhausted. I'm at my breaking point. I'm tired of her stomping, not walking, but stomping on my feelings. I don't exist. I only exist in her world when it's convenient. I can keep putting this wall up, and using all of my strength to keep it up, but like I said. I am exhausted. Why do I try so hard to place myself in her world? I don't know. You can ask me over and over. I will always say I don't know. Because I honestly don't. If your reading this blog, you already know. I use my anger to show you when my feelings are hurt. I hate crying. I'd rather be red in the face with anger, then tears in my eyes. Talking to everyone makes me feel better. And I'm sorry if your one of the people I talk to when I'm angry, but as soon as I hang up, or walk out of the room, I'm a mess. You can tell me how I wasn't wrong with what I did, you can tell me I was doing the right thing. It doesn't matter. I'll always be the one, who I now realize.. Should of never shown my concern. And I made myself look like an idiot for showing it. It's kinda like my feelings just had someone to run them over. I let people hurt my feelings too easily. Its the weirdest thing though. As easily as my feelings get hurt, you can almost get me to feel better just as quickly. my friend told me this tonight over facebook " it is their responsibility to be our parent, not our responsibility to be their child." When I look at my mom, I feel like she has spent her entire life, wanting, needing someone to help her. Show her how living a normal life is suppose to be. Lets face it. She didn't have the greatest life growing up. I feel like that person has to be me. Is that weird? I love my mom. She just, she puts me so far down on her priorities list that it kills me. It makes me want to curl up in a ball sometimes and just cry. This guy should not be before me. In ANY way.
Well, Ive about picked my entire eyebrow off. So much for that " 2 weeks without anxiety picking! yay!"
fuckers.
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